the next 50 years

I'm in the phase of life where a lot of people my age have a lot of people dying.

It's weird.

I don't have a lot of people dying. But I know they will.

I remember moments where I considered moving places to be near friends or siblings having babies. I never really did that, but now, I'm making life choices so that I can be here for the end, rather than making choices so I can be here for the beginning - and the difference stands out.

My body is also doing an ending. Cycling through something that that will place me "on the other side" as something, someone else.

And so I'm looking at cycles. And life.

It seems like it's only now that I'm starting to get anything. Here, at 48, almost 50.

That seems strange when just yesterday I was 18 swearing to God that I would be a millionaire by 30.

My words: I wouldn't be one of those "old people" driving their first sports car. I would have it all now.

I did create over a million before the age of 45, but nothing showed up the way I thought it would. And yesterday, at Dairy Queen, Andres and I mused at "all the students".

Age is weird.

I feel like an owl, observing. I can't drum up any real feelings about any of it.

The only thing that keeps running through my world is:

What can I alone choose to make this next 50 years on this planet the most wonderful, full, productive years of my life?

What activities can I choose with my body that create it into something that will sustain and contribute to me throughout that time?

What movement and change am I the source of that I can now choose?

And what would it be like to leave behind enough art and difference on this planet before I leave this body that the world is forever affected?

Plato and Socrates are remembered for their thinking. Michelangelo and Da Vinci for their art. They left enough behind to stimulate new generations of thinkers and artists.

I'm pretty interested in that. 🥰